We all need it sometimes, don’t we?
This is a thank you to all of those who have been with me through everything. And a goodbye to the insecurities I’ve had for a long time.
Let me set the scene for you. I’m sitting in an academic building on campus, feet up with my computer in my lap. Chance the Rapper’s song Blessings is playing through my headphones while I drink a far too sugary Starbucks latte and I am flooded with a sense of peace.
for i have closure
This year has been a roller coaster of events and emotions. I’ve made new friends and have lost some old ones, have nursed a heartbreak, have questioned my major 10 times over, and have felt rather lost in life. These are things we all go through. Things we all have heard of and maybe have dealt with already. People like to say that College is easy and for some it is! But for most in my experience, it is a closed bubble of stress filled with impending deadlines. However there are plenty of amazing moments, I won’t deny that.
I have spent a long time taking my self down a few notches I suppose. I took myself out of competitive scenarios and majors, I spent more time supporting others in their art forms, rather than myself, I became known as the “mom” of my friend groups (because I look out for everyone) and I lost the value I held for myself. I was scared of being judged by others, and feared the unknown.
And though those things are still present, I am becoming stronger. I am becoming my self, in every way. Unapologetically. And whats better than that? It’s all a work in progress but there had to be a moment of acceptance where I took in the fact that, I’m changing and it is for myself and no one else. It took me a second to realize that if we as humans can’t be ourselves, body, heart, and soul… then something needs to change. Whether that is removing yourself from the people who make you feel less or stepping away from the situations that make you question your sense of self.
We are all fine works of art. Worth high praise. We are forests, that will always grow back no matter the destruction. We are the uniqueness of the world, and no one can tell us otherwise. I know its lame to say, but time really does heal. Heal in the sense that other things begin to fill you up and make you move on from the shit that held you down. Things come in that give you a feeling you never knew existed. I didn’t realize how much healing had happened until I was able to think in a different way. To have had conversations that pushed me forward and solidified the fact that I had changed.
I think we deserve the chance to be proud of ourselves for the accomplishments we make that are just for us. To be more understanding of our emotions and thoughts. To celebrate the tiny moments that make us who we are.
So this is a thank you to all of those who have been there for me. Who have taught me the beauty of change. Who have hugged me when I needed it most. Who have made me laugh, cry, smile, and cheer. Thank you for helping create the person I am. I’m truly lucky to have you all in my life.
Change is so good ya know?
See ya soon,